


halved

by mayfriend



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Twins, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula is trying to be a Good Sister, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Child Abuse, Codependency, Eventual Happy Ending, Fire Nation Politics (Avatar), Gen, Neurodivergent Azula (Avatar), Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Protective Azula (Avatar), Sibling Rivalry, Zuko (Avatar) is a Good Brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26632228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayfriend/pseuds/mayfriend
Summary: For Zuko’s entire life, there has been Azula. She is as much a part of him as his own reflection, as the blood pumping through his veins, or the flame that burns in his gut, constant and true.To hate her is to hate himself, but Zuko’s no stranger to self-hatred.An AU in which Zuko and Azula are fraternal twins.
Relationships: Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 238





	halved

**Author's Note:**

> I have borrowed ideas and characters from other fics and fic authors, because I didn't become a fic writer to stick to canon-only concepts. The credits list will be updated with the story - if you think you see something you recognise that hasn't been credited, please let me know where you recognise it from/if it's yours, because the odds of me forgetting that I read it somewhere else are fairly high considering the absolute shambles that is my memory.
> 
>  **Credits:**  
>  \- 'Degrees are a Fire Nation measurement of time', first referenced in Chapter 1, belongs to the incredible [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/pseuds/MuffinLance).  
> \- 'Azulon didn't tell Ozai to kill Zuko, Azula made it up', first referenced in Chapter 1, belongs to [Nele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nele/pseuds/Nele), [AlexiHollis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexiHollis/pseuds/AlexiHollis) and [Ford_Ye_Fiji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji) \- I'm not sure which of them first used it, or which of their fics featuring it that I read first, but one thing I do know is that I'm not smart enough to think it up by myself and I've come across it in all three of their works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I started watching A:TLA in lockdown. I finished it in lockdown. Since then, I've been reading any A:TLA fic that I can get my grubby little hands on, and now that I'm back at uni and have other things to do, I am of course writing my own fic. It's me, so updates will probably be... sporadic, at best, but I had to do something for my beloved, wildly (in)competent children.

Not many people know it, but Zuko’s actually older than his sister.

There isn’t much in it, of course - only seven degrees, maybe less - and it’s easy to assume Azula’s the elder of the two of them by the way she takes charge of every conversation, and it’s even easier not to correct these assumptions; after all, Azula is clever, and cunning, talented and brilliant and bold, and Zuko is- not.

Azula is the Fire Lord’s daughter, and Zuko is Azula’s brother.

* * *

It used to be easy between them.

When they were little, so little that Zuko’s memories of that time have faded around the edges like old picture scrolls, their family used to be happy, and Azula and Zuko were two halves to the same whole. They slept in the same room, squirmed restlessly side by side at the theatre, splashed each other in the icy sea, snuck through the secret passageways at night when they should’ve been in bed and chased turtleducks around the palace pond until mother caught them and showed them how to feed them - _gently,_ Azula - instead. When they were that little, they even looked the same.

This is not to say they were the same _,_ even at such an early age; Azula had always been bolder than her brother, and Zuko more attached to their mother - so no, they weren’t the same, but they were similar enough that they never considered what it would be like if they were like other people, if they were _separate_ people.

The trouble, of course, with spending all their time together, is that sooner or later comparisons begin to be drawn between them. Not just little things, like _I’m taller_ or _I’m stronger_ when they’re wrestling on the ground over some half-forgotten disagreement _,_ but bigger things, sharper things, things that cut and scar. _Dad likes me better,_ Azula says one day after mother spends the afternoon reading spirit tales to a sick Zuko in bed, her eyes alight with a strange kind of challenge. When they’re six, and Zuko finally starts firebending a full two years after his sister, she laughs at him as he slowly goes through forms she can perform without thought, and says _you’ll never catch up._

 _You’ll never be a proper firebender,_ she whispers to him, because firebending is hers, _hers,_ and after a lifetime of being expected to share everything Azula wants this for herself. Anyway, Zuko doesn’t _need_ to firebend, because Azula will always be there to protect him, and because Zuko is hers too, but she’s six and she doesn’t have the words to say all that and she decides as Zuko’s eyes fill with tears that if he doesn’t understand that then it’s his own fault, the Dum-Dum.

Zuko starts learning how to use dao blades with Cousin Lu Ten the next week, and in a surge of rage, Azula goes to her father and says she wants to go to a real school instead of being stuck inside all day with tutors and her stupid brother. It seems like the perfect plan, until father actually lets her, and she’s alone for the first time in her life.

There is nothing _wrong_ with Royal Fire Academy for Girls, per se, except that Zuko isn’t there. Which is stupid, she’s being stupid, she wanted to get away from him with his stupid steel ( _they’re two halves of one weapon,_ Zuko told her earnestly, like that meant anything) and she has. She can make friends besides him, and she does; she doesn’t need him at all, and she never has, but maybe every once in a while she misses him, maybe even wants him.

Even when things stop being easy, when they stop being children who have nothing better to do than compete with the other, Zuko can’t truly say he’s _lost_ Azula. He still knows where she is, who she is. She’s just- a little further away.

* * *

The thing that really splits them apart, in the end, is their mother.

Azula knows that mother likes Zuko better than her. She’s a clever girl, and Ursa doesn’t go to any great lengths to hide the way she feels about her daughter; she can never quite stop herself flinching when Azula bends, or fully smooth out her regal features to disguise the way they pinch when she looks at her, and after a while she stops trying to.

Mother can tell there’s something wrong with her, Azula thinks. Mother can see something lacking in her that Zuko can’t. Mother tells Azula she loves her, but she never looks happy when she says it, and everyone knows mothers _have_ to love their children - but she never tells her she likes her. Never. Zuko is her sweetheart and her darling boy and her little prince and Azula is- nothing.

But that’s fine. That’s _fine._ She doesn’t need mother, Zuko can have her. Azula has father, who is better than mother in every way, stronger and fiercer and-

Father never hugs her the way mother hugs Zuko. Father tells her that she’s improving, or that she’s not working hard enough, and sometimes he smiles when she bends particularly well, but he never holds her the way mother holds her brother. The word _love_ never comes into it; he’s proud of her, and invested in her, and values her, but. But.

Still, she has more from her father than Zuko will ever get. It’s only fair, she thinks, as Zuko blubbers after another scolding about his bending, as he struggles through another kata she learned and mastered years ago, as he is enveloped in mother’s robes and she murmurs comforts too quiet for Azula to hear. If she doesn’t get a mother, then he doesn’t get a father. They share everything, except for this.

(They share nothing, except for this.)

* * *

Azula is ten years old when her father becomes the Fire Lord.

Or rather - Azula is ten years old when her cousin dies. When Zuko cries, and Uncle crumbles, and she smiles a secret smile that her mother sees. (What is wrong with that child?) Azula is ten years old when she eavesdrops on her father and the Fire Lord, and hears that grandfather is going to take Zuko away from her, all to punish father, father who doesn’t even _want_ Zuko anyway. Azula is ten years old when she thinks about Uncle, childless, and father, crownless, and mother, hopeless. (What is wrong with that child?) Azula is ten years old when she rubs at her eyes until they’re red-raw and doesn’t blink until they’re watering and then she goes to mother’s chambers and bursts inside, like an actress on stage. _Dad’s going to kill him,_ she sobs, burying her face in her mother’s skirts like Zuko always does when he’s upset, _Dad’s going to kill Zuko!_ (What is wrong with that child? What is wrong with that child? What is _wrong_ with that child?)

Azula is ten years old when her grandfather dies. Azula is ten years old when her mother disappears. Azula is ten years old, but she feels older.

 _Do you know why she left?_ Zuko asks her, ten years old and in mourning thrice over. He’s not like her, Azula knows, not like her at all, but he’s still hers, and now he’s hers completely.

 _No,_ Azula lies. Azula always lies.

* * *

By the age of thirteen, Azula has been attending her father’s war councils for two years. They stopped interesting her shortly after that; in truth, her father always knows what he wants to do before the generals and admirals and secretaries all assemble, and not once in two years has she ever seen him change his mind. The war council’s true function is to allow all the disparate departments and commanders to come together in miniature, to be ordered by the Fire Lord’s vision.

The real reason Azula attends, besides her father’s expectations, is to be seen doing so. She’d known at eleven what that very first invitation meant; a claim and a declaration. Azula is his heir, the successor he has chosen, and every general and every servant knows that when they see her sitting at her father’s side.

The only person that seems not to have gotten the memo, really, is Zuko.

Zuko, the other half of her; the weaker half. Zuko, the Crown Prince in name only. Azula doesn’t know how she feels about Zuko, most days - she doesn’t like the way he frowns at her when she bothers the turtleducks, just like mother used to, and she doesn’t like how when he wears his hair up he looks more like their father than she does, and she hates that he’s older and always will be-

But she doesn’t hate _him._

She doesn’t know if she likes him, but she knows she doesn’t _dislike_ him; she knows some of her best memories are the ones where they’re together, and she knows that she would exchange mother for him a second time, if she had to. Zuko is- childish, and loud, and grumpy, and dramatic, and _Azula’s._ When she’s Fire Lord, he’s going to be at her side, just like Mai and Ty Lee. She never once imagines a future without him in it.

And then one day, Azula’s dragged sharply out of her own head by a raised voice.

“-can’t sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation, how can you betray them?!”

Zuko- is in the meeting. Zuko shouldn’t be in the meeting. She’d given the guards at the door very specific instructions that her brother was to be denied entry, had been giving those orders after her very first meeting at eleven and never stopped because she _knew_ her brother wouldn’t understand what was happening, or the delicacy the situation required. She’d _known,_ she’d taken precautions, and-

Her eyes fall on Uncle, who is sitting next to where Zuko has leapt to his feet, face grave. It’s a fight to hide the rage on her face when she realises what has happened, what that old fool has _done_ , and she knows she doesn’t entirely succeed - father looks at her approvingly as he rises from his throne, mistaking her brother for the subject of her ire as the wall of flames separating her and father from the war council and her foolish brother flares up.

“Prince Zuko,” father’s voice is cold, and his eyes somehow colder, even in the burning heat of the room, “you have shown complete disrespect to the general, and to my entire war council by speaking without leave on matters beyond your understanding. What say you in your defence? Or will you apologise to the general for your arrogance and disrespect?”

Through the flames, Azula sees Zuko bow his head toward their father. She is frozen where she sits, as fixed in position as a stone statue. She can only watch the nightmare unfold, with as much impact on the proceedings as an audience member might have when watching a scripted play.

“Father, I- I cannot apologise for speaking out. General Sahashi's plan would have us betray the men and women fighting for our nation in the hopes of taking out an earthbending battalion that has survived countless battles with significantly worse odds and more experienced soldiers on our side - this will be nothing short of a massacre, with nothing gained but dishonour, and I cannot stay silent.”

Azula felt a bolt of pure fear shoot through her as she caught sight of the look on her father’s face. Zuko must not be able to see his expression through the flames, she thinks wildly, as he doesn’t waver at all. He looks- almost noble, for a moment. Azula would be proud of him, if he wasn’t being so unspeakably stupid.

The truth of the matter is, every plan that is ‘proposed’ in the war room has already been approved by the Fire Lord beforehand. Speaking against General Sahashi’s plan - particularly without leave to do so - has undermined both father’s authority and questioned his judgement in front of the entire war council, and the idiot doesn’t even know what he’s done, because he wasn’t told, because he wasn’t supposed to _be_ here.

Azula is going to _kill_ Uncle. She had tolerated him, and his attachment to Zuko, mostly because of how utterly pathetic he’d been since he returned to Ba Sing Se without Lu Ten. She hadn’t thought there was any particular harm in him pestering Zuko about Pai Sho and tea, had even foolishly thought it might be a good thing, as whenever he was with Uncle, Azula thought he’d at least stay out of trouble.

She should never have trusted anyone else with her brother, even if they are family. Family doesn’t mean anything, not now mother is gone, anyway, and the only reliable person left - the only reliable person left who will protect Zuko from himself - is Azula. She’s angry at herself more than anything, angry that she is helpless to do anything but watch the disaster unfold because of her own assumptions and inattention.

“If you refuse to apologise, you will fight an Agni Kai,” Father says, and Azula can breathe again. She isn’t a spiritual person, but she sends a silent prayer of thanks to Agni anyway; General Sahashi is old, and Zuko is not so bad of a firebender as some of the incompetents that consider themselves masters. He’s young, but so is she, and that hasn’t stopped her from being better than anyone else in the Caldera, save her father and Uncle.

Not that Uncle counts, really. The only firebending he seems to use anymore is to heat his tea.

Anyway, Zuko can beat Sahashi. She knows he can. He seems to know it too, going by the way he raises his chin up a fraction before bowing to father in acquiescence and obedience. Father won’t forget this, she knows he won’t, but if an Agni Kai is Zuko’s public punishment, then Azula can help alleviate the worst of the private one, whatever it may be, even if she’ll have to be careful about it.

She is still going to kill Uncle, though. It's a matter of principle.

* * *

Azula does not wish her brother luck. He needs none. He is a decent bender, by virtue of his blood and her example, and General Sahashi is nearing a century in age. She doesn’t wish him luck, because luck has no place in an Agni Kai, but she does go into his bedroom the morning of the fight.

“Your phoenix tail is crooked,” she says, just to watch him pat anxiously at his head as he glances over at the mirror only to see a perfectly symmetrical tail looking back at him. “Got you,” she smiles, and he lets out a frustrated sigh.

“Why are you here?” He asks, and she doesn’t answer, just looks at him for a long minute, trying to remember when the two of them stopped looking like mirrors of the other. Sometime before they lost the chubbiness of childhood, before his shoulders grew wide and her hips began to flare.

“You shouldn’t have said anything,” she tells him, and he instantly puffs up in anger.

“I had to!” he exclaims, “The plan was to purposely lead our men to a slaughter- I don’t understand why _you_ didn’t say anything,” he says, the words almost an accusation.

“Maybe I just don’t care,” she says, inspecting her nails.

“That’s not true,” he insists, and the certainty in his voice surprises her. Despite herself, she feels her eyebrows rise a fraction before she gets her mask back under control. “His plan wasn’t just evil, it was _wasteful._ You hate waste, and you _hate_ incompetence. Even if you don’t care about the lives of the men-” and he holds up a hand, as if to silence protests he knows are coming, “-and I think you _do,_ there were a dozen better plans to take down those earthbenders. I bet you’ve already thought of half of them.”

Sometimes, Azula forgets that Zuko knows her as well as she knows him. Another reason he’s going to be by her side when she’s Fire Lord; she can’t let him go and tell people that she used to cry at bedtime because she was scared of the dark.

(She isn’t scared of the dark anymore. She’s too old for such childish fears, and anyway, since the age of four she’s been able to make a light whenever she needs one. It is an unconventional use of firebending, but it gets the job done, and Azula only ever set her bed on fire the one time.)

“It wasn’t your place to speak,” Azula tells him, because he’s right and she hates that he is. The general’s plan was stupid, and wasteful, but father had approved it and that means that there is an unseen advantage she’s overlooked. Father isn’t stupid, so it can’t be a stupid plan, even if it seems like one. “Father was angry.”

Zuko swallows, and fiddles with the golden bands wrapped around his arms instead of meeting her eyes. “I know, but- I couldn’t not say anything. He’ll understand that, I hope, after I win the Agni Kai.”

Azula doesn’t wish her brother luck, but she almost wants to.

“I’ll be watching,” she says instead, and she’s saying something else, even if she doesn’t quite know what. “Don’t embarrass me.”

“Never,” Zuko swears, and he’s smiling a little as she slips out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_mayfriend_) and on [tumblr](http://mayfriend.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
